porn / Relationships / women

How I Earned My Porn Education

image via showcase.ca

Today, after a lovely morning jump lesson on Ella—a new thoroughbred at The Equestrian School—I made a heaping sandwich, cracked a Corona and sat down to do something I have never done—watch season three of Webdreams.

As you may know, the huz filmed a reality TV show about porn stars awhile back. Well, that show was Webdreams and I’ve been, until recently, not so psyched about seeing it. Before he took the job, we’d watched earlier seasons together to see what we were getting into but after season three premiered (serendipitously on our wedding day) I just didn’t have any interest in seeing the porn stars I’d heard so much about. Whereas usually I would sprint to the screen to see my man’s work, I felt fairly sure that these takes would put me in a foul mood. And who goes looking for those? I was thankful that the Webdreams days were over—they had caused enough tension and struggle, even if I am ultimately thankful for the lessons learned.

Anyhoo, all this to say that I was pleasantly surprised today when I took an afternoon alone to watch episodes one – three. It was frankly amazing to feel that all of my old feelings—judgment and jealousy—to name a couple were, whoosh, gone. I didn’t feel uncomfortable to know that my man had been standing there angling in on those d-cups, chatting with those folks, and getting sidelined by the occasional bodily fluid. And, man, did I used to. What I felt instead was the ability to make dispassionate assessments about what I liked and didn’t. I was way more into Maxine X, a fetish starlet who seems to genuinely enjoy her work, than I expected (side note: she was one of the reasons I asked the huz to stop working on the show but that’s a story for the book) and way less into Seven (interracial gonzo producer). But instead of feeling overly condemnatory I was able to recognize that the porn he produces is not for me. Personally, I’d much rather check out Cinema Erotique (CAUTION, MIL (Mother-in-law) this is a porn site) than cookie cutter Naughty America or Seven’s Hiphopmeetsporn.com. And while I didn’t appreciate the way Seven called his performers “sloppy, messy, and disgusting,” I also don’t think The Real Housewives of New Jersey are very wise with their words either. (Sorry, S, I know it’s your guilty pleasure.) But the point is we’re all entitled to our prerogative and I’m genuinely appreciative to be in a place where I’m making porn-educated choices rather than just throwing the booty out with the bathwater.

For ever-excellent porn advice check out Violet Blue’s blog and her book The Smart Girls Guide to Porn.

Now to eat an ice cream sandwich in the sunshine and call my mom.

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