Sex / teenagers

Are Teenage Girls Really Giving More Blow Jobs? Is That Bad?

I’m back home in oddly cool LA thinking about Inside the Dangerously Empty Lives of Teenage Girlsa Macleans article I read up in the Canadian countryside.  I first picked up this ominously titled piece lounging on the dock while my young, female relatives played dolls. What does the future hold for these American Girl toting tots, I wondered? The answer, according to Dr. Leonard Sax: anxiety, superficiality, Southern Comfort and, ahem, blow jobs.

The article brought up some interesting questions. Are young girls really more anxious than ever? Are they too focused on surface accomplishments and updating their Facebook profiles instead of developing self-esteem while their male counterparts assuredly play video games and peruse online porn? Is one in five young women a cutter? And are teenage girls really dolling out BJs willy nilly for clout? Here’s a soundbite to that effect:

Q: Consequently, are more kids sexually active than 20 years ago? A Not really, seems to be the answer, though only a handful of studies have addressed that in any quantitative way. But kids may be sexually intimate—the term as I use it includes both oral sex and intercourse—a little earlier and certainly they are much more likely to be having oral sex than they were 20 years ago. There are some troubling new issues. You find a lot of 12- and 13-year-old girls who are providing sexual favours to 16- and 17-year-old boys. In the ’70s and ’80s, sex was about intimacy, trying to give each other pleasure. Today, so many teenage girls I’ve spoken to across Canada and the U.S. regard sex as a commodity that girls provide to boys. Increasingly, unfortunately, that is the case. For many, many girls, the most common form of sexual intimacy is oral sex, with the girl servicing a boy. And neither the girls or the boys see anything wrong with this.

I can’t help wondering after reading this: should the girls and boys see anything wrong with this? After all, isn’t teenage oral sex preferable to intercourse as a relatively safe form of sex? I suppose it would be nice to know that teenage “favors” were reciprocated boy to girl, and age 12 and 13 is certainly young (though a better age for BJs than losing your virginity, I’d say). But other than that, I find it hard to believe, as Sax seems to suggest, that the teenage exchange of sexual acts for power is really something new. Was sex in the ’70s and ’80s really about intimacy? Has Sax not seen Fast Times at Ridgemont High? Never heard of Woodstock?

As a former teenager of the nineties, I can only speak from personal experience and say that my days at girl’s school weren’t exactly sunshine and roses. Am I proud of this? No. Could we have had healthier body images and more Sex Ed? Sure. But it was what it was. Eating disorders abounded. Parent’s liquor cabinets were unlocked with frequency. And we gals prepared for the weekend by making a list of which boys we would attempt to hook up with and how far we’d go, and yes, older boys garnered bonus points. True to Sax’s conclusions, on the surface our escapades were less about the boys and more about gossiping in Math class with the girls. Just as, I assume, the boy’s MO was to report back about us. But in truth, we all fumble to amass sexual experience for multiple motives: genuine desire, curiosity, peer pressure, intimacy, and popularity. Our power struggles were awfully similar sounding to what’s purportedly happening today and we’re all grown up now, well adjusted (on a good day), still friends.

My takeaway from this article is that being a teenage girl today has many new challenges, and yet plenty of same old, same old. I hope one day I’ll be teaching my teenage relatives to have self-esteem and to enter reciprocated sexual relationships when they’re ready. At the very least, my desire is that they’ll know they can ask auntie Em anything, even if my blog is securely parental controlled.     

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5 thoughts on “Are Teenage Girls Really Giving More Blow Jobs? Is That Bad?

  1. That is an awesome post! A great read for parents who may be wonderin whether or not their teenage boy or girl is sexualy active. I will definetely pass this on to my best friend. Thanks for the post.

    • I can only imagine how challenging it is to raise teenagers. Perhaps one day I’ll find out! Thanks for the props and for passing it along!

  2. I graduated HS in 1985 (I’m 43). BJs were always such a personal thing saved for someone you loved. The only girls who did that back in the day were the girls labelled as sluts. As a teacher I see way too much about this topic. Girls need to start respecting themselves.

  3. Pingback: Back to Blow Jobs « i married a pornographer

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