Marriage / men / whatever / women

My Husband’s Impulse Purchases

My husband has suddenly developed a fixation with oral hygiene. And no, that’s not some kind of nasty sexual innuendo; it means simply that he’s unexpectedly entranced with teeth and gum health. The other day he purchased an electric toothbrush and water flosser on Amazon. And when they arrived on our doorstep an hour ago he said, “I have a confession to make.” You see, he’d asked me, pre-purchase, if I thought we should spring for these apparatuses, and I’d said, “Maybe you should book an appointment with the dentist first, seeing as you haven’t been in over three years.”

Alas, here they are–our brand new Sonicare and Waterpik. Surely there are more frivolous things for a husband to blow money on—crack, lap dances, what have you. The weird thing is that hubby, unlike me, does not suffer from bad teeth. Has never had a cavity. And though he brushes like the best of us, has shrugged off my suggestions to floss ever since we’ve shared a sink. Now this. He’s been sitting on the couch for an hour carefully reading the manuals. No one gets more enjoyment (or any) out of reading instructions than he does. Except maybe my dad.

He just called out that I need to read the brushing information thoroughly and informed me that the green head is mine.

Between you and me–it’s not likely I’ll ever be spending any quality time with those manuals. But okay, dear, whatever you say.

And now I have to run, for as soon as he’s done with his crash course in dentistry, I fear he’ll be ordering a bread maker or some crap. Who the heck knows what domesticity + Internet shopping will lead to next around here.

Side note: This is just the kind of lame little married moment that used to scare the dickens out of me. Alas, I think I am very nearly cured.


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