Had a laugh this morning when I learned that Gerard Depardieu pissed on the floor of a taxiing plane this Tuesday because he couldn’t hold it for another twenty minutes. While that is rather filthy of G Dog (who isn’t exactly known for his genteel behavior), I do kind of feel his pain.
On my way back from Canada last week, I was scolded by a flight attendant for booking it to the restroom while the fasten seat belt sign was lit. Let’s just say, I was about to have a rather serious lady disaster.
The surly stewardess let me in but treated me like I’d crossed the picket line, or suggested she’d left the blue eye shadow in the eighties, or ripped a sandwich out of the hand of her starving child—you get the picture.
I mean, I get airplane precautions. To a point. And I respect that my helpful flight attendants have been told not to let passengers walk around in a jostling plane for safety reasons. I respect that they take their jobs very seriously.Why, I’ve been in charge of people’s safety before, too– leading Japanese tourists through the Rocky Mountains on horseback–and I suppose it was no laughing matter. Especially when you stumbled on a bear. But what exactly is the worst thing that could happen to me with a little turbulence in the loo unless, say, the plane crashed? In which case, chances are I’m effed anyway. Besides, the possibility of dying in a plane crash is a risk I’ve already elected to take. But if I don’t die, isn’t pissing on myself while squatting in a moving bathroom better than letting go on the cushion that the next person paid hundreds of dollars to sit on? Just saying.
Anyway, I’m sure Gerard is not the first person to piss themselves on plane before. Certainly Kris Jenner’s done it. And Chelsea Handler. And probably your Grandma.
I just stumbled on this article Married, With Infidelities from The New York Times Magazine this past June. It’s worth a read and some thought. I definitely am all for couples defining their own boundaries when it comes to monogamy.
And with that, I’m off to another wedding. I’ll try and plan my pee breaks around my wine consumption better than old Gerard did.